Saturday, April 29, 2006

im finally back home after sleeping over at nen's cribx yesterday. im SICK so i shall just do some shoutouts!

; zulhelmy: aiyohh! mc lagikk. get well soon and hurrily get your ass down to work! doing closings would be different without your presence. cepat cepat baik!
; Mr. R: thanx for keeping my yesterday afternoon FULLY occupied and thanx for showing concern towards my health. for your information, im much better now. and its thanx to you! your advices and 'nagging' has made me better. i makan taw ubat sumer. *imma gud lil girlie* thank you many many alot an. i owe you one! (:
; azimi: thanx bro for showing concern towards my health. like i've saed to Mr. R ; im feeling much more better. no worries. you take care aites during your reservice. enjoy! HAHA!
; steph: sorry yarh bestie i couldnt accompany you yesterday. you told me last minute arh. so very sorry!
; pretty sis-in-law: im falling apart! :x
; irsyarudin: weits dude! biler nak slack kat starbucks with my bestie and me? keep yourself free one day for i know you're a busy man! hehex.

I HATE PERIODS! its like when im having my period, this wierd feeling will always strike and ade jekk bende yang tak kene. *to me that is*

**got this post from eton's blog ; i guess we are going through the same thingy...
i know now i'm no one special to you.
especially not at times you're enjoying yourself.
who am i to you anyway?
just some bitch you own?
or maybe someone top on ur list when it comes to breaking hearts?
i don't understand this.
yes, maybe i don't love you, and maybe you don't love me too,
but can't we just try to make this work?
i try to make you feel special everytime i can.
so why cant u play ur part?
it isn't that difficult you noe?
ok so maybe sometimes i don't give you space to breathe,
but heck, i still do okay?
i want you to be happy.
and sometimes maybe im too hard on you.
but you know i care.
if not i wouldnt be calling frequently.
if not i wouldnt even still be holding on to you.
please i'm begging you.
just this once.
______________________________________________
shoutouts
; zulhelmy: heyy. do take care of kau nyer health larh. jangan skip meals in the future. kan semalam dah saket. and about the warm water, sorie larh ehkk. bukan nak bunoh kau. cumer aku ngah busy so just grabbed watdeva air aku lei reach for. hehe. GET WELL SOON!
; Mr. R: youu.! i appreciate your honesty in pouring your feelings towards me. and heyy! umor is never a penghalang. but styll. i tanak you to pin all your hopes on me aites. i tanak dissapaoint anybody. sorry many many alot!

"i was finally getting over YOU and actually believing i didn't need YOU. i was finally accepting the FACT that YOU just dont love me no more. then YOU rang me up and ruined it all."

urghness! why now shadow? i mean i really meant what i typed at the top of my entry for today ; i thought it was best for me to just walk away after YOU took the so-called initiative to say "goodbye" to me in the very last message you sent to me. and worst still, you had to dedicate a song that has such a meaningful meaning behind it. damn!

YOUR song to ME
what would you say if i asked you not to go
to forget everyone, forget everything and start over with me
would you take my hand and never let me go
promise me you'll never let me go
and the stars aren't out tonight,
but neither are we to look up at them
why does hello feel like goodbye?
these memories can't replace,
these wishes i wished and these dreams i chased
take this broken heart and make it right.
i feel like i lost everything when you're gone
left remembering what it's like to have you here with me
i thought you should know,you're not making this easy
i never thought i'd be the one to say
please don't, please don't leave me
i feel like i lost everything when you're gone
left remembering what it's like to have you here with me
i thought you should know,you're not making this easy
you're not making this easy... (easy, easy, easy...)
take my hand and never let me go,
take my hand and never let me go,
promise me...
you'll never let go
you'll never let go
you'll never let go
you'll never let go
make this last forever
i feel like i lost everything when you're gone
left remembering what it's like to have you here with me
i thought you should know, you're not making this easy
you're not making this easy
you're not making this easyyou're not making this easy
you're not making this easy
you're not making this easy
so fall asleep tonight, cuz' that brings me closer to you.

MY song to YOU
Another day
Without your smile
Another day just passes by
But now I know
How much it means
For you to stay
Right here with me
The time we spent apart will make our love grow stronger
But it hurt so bad I can't take it any longer
I wanna grow old with you
I wanna die lying in your arms
I wanna grow old with you
I wanna be looking in your eyes
I wanna be there for you
Sharing everything you do
I wanna grow old with you
A thousand miles between us now
It causes me to wonder how
Our love tonight remains so strong
It makes our risk right all along
The time we spent apart will make our love grow stronger
But it hurt so bad I can't take it any longer
I wanna grow old with you
I wanna die lying in your arms
I wanna grow old with you
I wanna be looking in your eyes
I wanna be there for you
Sharing everything you do
I wanna grow old with you
Things can come and go
I know but
Baby I believe
Something's burning strong between us
Makes it clear to me I wanna grow old with you
I wanna die lying in your arms
I wanna grow old with you
I wanna be looking in your eyes
I wanna be there for you
Sharing everything you do
I wanna grow old with you.

imagine yourself and a guy studying in the same primary school for six years. and the next happening was you peeps got seperated for four years due to qualifying for different secondary schools plus another two years cos of different ITE. then finally, out of so many places two people can get to meet each other again is at work. and ... hehex.

well. this was what happened between me and my long lost primary school buddy ; zulhelmy. when we ferst saw each other at work, both of us had the same words to say to each other ; "asal your face familiar arhh?" haha! what a small world. (:

have been working the same shift as hym since the ferst day i started work ; till today that is. and shockingly, yesterday he said he wanted to sent me home. *steph gotta be the happiest girl. LOL!* i thought he was being the self hym ; just joking around. but true enough he did. hehex. so we left our work place at around one and we walked our way home. we talked about the primary school days during our walk and he saw ayahs car approaching us when we were halfway through the walk. so, i got into ayah's car and he went home.

and something funny happened and that was, neither he nor me realised that he had left his phone inside my bag. and i began to realise only when a ringtone came out from my bag upon me sending a message to hym saying "thank you for sending me home." i was like "wtf! how did his handphone land inside my bag?" so i hurriedly got ayah to sent me to his cribx. *padahal i dont even know where he lives* i then did something i know i shudnt have done and that was to browse his handphone's phonebook. i didnt know of any way out. after much browsing, i decided to ring muizz up. and thanx muizz for that INCOMPLETE adress. got ayah to sent me to zul's block then and on the way there, zul called ; saying his phone is missing. HAHA! *slow sheyy member realise*

met zul under his block to pass the 'missing' phone and i went straight home. kat rumah pon sempat sms dier. HAHA! well. thanks ehk zul for sending me home. eventhough it was a short walk but styll it was greatly appreciated for anithing could have happened during that short walk if you werent there. (:
* being around you makes me feel im free from harms *

damn! im now addicted to the song kau istimewa by indgo. and its all thanx to muhammad aizad haikal. he sang it to me ONCE and im all into the song now. but styll, tetap okay larhh. the lyrics are so touching. haha! but no salah sangker aites. hes just a friend and NOTHING more. i havent even met hym.

Istimewa - Indigo
Tiada puisi atau lagu
Tiada potret tiada ragu
Yang dapat ku ilham seindahmu
Nyata kau satu dalam berjuta
Wahai jelita kau istimewa

Walau ku kembara sedunia
Walau ketemu ramai wanita
Nyata kau tiada tandingannya
Seikhlas hati aku menyinta
Kau istimewa, teristimewa

Daku berikrar
Wahai maharaniku
Bina mahligai syahdu
Hanya engkau dan aku di situ

Tiada mimpi atau fantasi
Tiada rasa lebih berseri
Semekar murni hatimu sayang
Siang dan malam, aku terbayang
Kau istimewa, buat ku tenang

Kau istimewa
Siang malam, aku terbayang
Kau istimewa

Daku berikrar
Wahai maharaniku
Bina mahligai syahdu
Kita berbulan madu di situ

Ingin ku bawa kau ke awana
Ingin memadu kasih asmara
Sepanjang hayatku curahkan cinta
Sebenar-benar ucapan kata
Kau istimewa oh!
Percayalah
Ku perlu cinta dari wanita nan istimewa
Beriku cintamu nan istimewa.

nice and romantic right the song! i love it! (: oraiteyy. im outta here for now. taking care people!

"you have to get hurt in order to love"

wth! i seriously dont believe in this saying! i mean ; c'mon arhh. why must you hurt others when you jolly well know theres love between the two of you. but still, maybe its due to my current emotions that is causing me to have this mindset. the bottomline is, it doesnt make sense!

->zul: weitx! cepat-cepat balek dari kl larhh! holiday jek then luper keje sheyy. and kerane dier, orang kene keje and cover up for you. grr! ; you owe me one arhh! i dont kaire!

can someone please tell me why does it seem like the surrounding i am in, knows what i am going through? and it definately reminds me of hym. urghness! examples are, yesterday a new rider joined the crew and he resembles hym ; i was doing closing and the songs on air reminded me of hym ; the netbuzz in the papers has qoutes talking about MEMORIES ; mama went to the library and borrowed a malay novel talking about me and hym.

the thingy in netbuzz

* there are moments in life when you miss someone so badly, you just want to pick them out from your dreams and hug them for real.
* when the door of happiness closed, another opens. but often we look so long at the closed door and dont see the door which is opened for us.
* dont go for looks because they can deceive and dont go for wealth either because they can fade away. instead, go for someone who makes you smile because a smile can brighten up any dark day.
* dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go. be who you want to be because you have only one life and one chance to do things you want to do.
* the brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past.
* you cant go forward until you let go of the past failures and heartaches.
* live you life to the fullest so that at the end, you are the one smiling and people around are the ones crying.
* dont count the years ; count the memories.
* life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but number of moments that our breaths away!

the synopsis from the malay novel

* Sifat sabar dan beralah yang dimiliki shahira membuatkan dia sering menjadi mangsa keadaan. seboleh-bolehnya, dia tidak mahu menyakiti apatah lagi mengecewakan insan yang mengharap. namun, sebagai manusia yang serba kekurangan, dia tidak mampu memenuhi segala kehendak dan menjaga hati semua pihak dalam masa yang sama. justeru itu, lafaz cinta yang ditunggu anuar sejak dari bangku sekolah lagi hanya dihargai sebagai kawan baiknya. baginya, cita-cita dan impian hidup lebih utama. namun begitu, dia terpaksa akur dengan jodoh yang diaturkan oleh keluarganya. biarpun jauh di sudut hatinya, terpendam perasaan kecewa. Pertemuan shahira dengan azlisyam di kampus yang terjadi dalam keadaan tegang telah mewujudkan persengketaan di antara mereka. sikap EGO azlisyam turut merubah sifat semulajadi dalam diri shahira. keadaan bertambah celaru setelah shahira mendapat tahu bahawa azlisyam adalah tunangnya. tanpa disedari, dalam diam kedua-dua menyimpan perasaan cinta antara satu sama lain. namun EGO dan KEDEGILAN dalam diri masing-masing telah mengekang mereka untuk berterus terang biarpun rasa rindu ternyata sendat di hati. akibat salah sangka, keadaan bertambah parah tatkala azlisyam dan anuar pantang bersua dan sering meletakkan shahira dalam situasi yang sukar. antara sayangnya kepada seorang teman yang sentiasa setia bersama dengan cinta pertamanya yang belum tentu membuahkan bahagia lantaran tiada lafaz cinta yang terucap di antara dia dengan azlisyam. Anuar yang kecewa tetap setia menanti meskipun disedari penantiannya tiada penghujung. meskipun cinta shahira bukan miliknya namun anuar tidak berdaya membuang rasa rindu dan cita yang utuh di hati.
Takdir dan Suratan-Nya tiada siapa yang boleh menolak dan menghalang. berjayakah anuar merealisasikan impiannya setelah rumahtangga shahira dan azlisyam runtuh ; di saat bahagia meghujung? bagaimana reaksi azlisyam setelah mengetahui cinta shahira sememangnya untuknya? mampukah azlisyam meraih kembali cintanya setelah shahira membuat pilihan untuk tidak melukakan lagi hati anuar yang setia menunggu cintanya?

[absence makes the heart grow fonder]

okayy! im happy for todays closing wasnt as bad as yesterday. reached home 30 minutes earlier. hehehe.

"youve been working v hard these days yea? better get enuff rest. LOOK @ YOUR EYEBAGS! and.. ive not been seeing you @ home. :( take care aiight. mwahs!"

well. this was part of the testimonial written to me from syz azlindah. and the reply to it is, well sister in law. its true i have been working my ass out this few days. i am keeping myself busy to keep me occupied and not think too much about my past ; but it seems so hard.

tadie jekk, a new rider joined the crew and he resembles hym ; with his height, the glasses, the 'gothi'. urghh! and when i was doing closing, songs which was playing on air even reminded me of hym. how to live like that? aiyohh!

oh God! why are you putting me through all this. i know this are obstacles you want me to face in life ; but isnt this too much for me to bear? however, i seek for you Ya Allah, to be by my side for i am being at my lowest. Amin.

->fizsk: thanx ehk youu for showing concern towards my health. faham fahm jek larhh your ex-gf nie stubborn siket. (: youu too tekaire horhh. injuries here and there. rest well.

its 0230 and bellieve it or not ; i just came back from work! oh goshh. im uber tired so i shant blog a lonng entry. just this and foolstop!

PS: i love+hate todayy. ; steph bestie shall know why. *grinx*


MAYBE i still miss you.
MAYBE i still want you.
MAYBE i still have feelings for you.
MAYBE MAYBE MAYBE.
you used to mean the world to me ;
but not anymore.
a person like you is not worth my tears ;
i thought you would change but you became worse.
and stop being such an egoistic freak thinking that im desperate for your return ;
for im not and never will.
i just thought we could be friends again ;
but i guess that will never be possible.

Umbrella

Ramalan Ku Benar Belaka

Hingga ke saat ini
Berbagai persoalan
Tak henti melanda
Buntu... ku memikirkannya

Kau memilih diri ku
Di atas dasar apa
Apakah kerna cinta
Atau... pelepas sepi cuma

Seumpama... dedaunan...
Yang telah gugur bertaburan
Membiarkan... ranting dimamah usang

Apakah semua itu
Akan terjadi pada ku
Andainya benar
Maka tepatlah apa yang diramalkan

Waktu bersama mu
Banyak benar kenangan yang kita ciptakan... bersama
Dan satu darinya... engkau bersyahdu
Bahawa aku takkan kehilangan mu
Susah payah kita... semai benih cinta
Merempuh dugaan akhirnya kau tinggalkan
Susah payah kita... semai benih cinta
Merempuh dugaan... akhirnya kau tinggalkan
Sia-sialah ku bina istana cinta
Andai insan lain... dihati mu... bertakhta
Hingga ke saat ini... ku masih terkenangkan
Saat-saat yang indah... nyata kesudahan aku parah

baby. . . i've never expected much from you. it doesnt really matter how close you are to whoever you want. as long as you're happy with who you want to be with or what you want to do ; im happy too. because to be frank, it makes me happy seeing you being happy.

de truth is. . . yeah! you're the ONE AND ONLY guy who makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same tyme. *maner mo dapat orang macam ginie. HAHA!* you too dont have to worry about me running away from you for you're de only one i have as a friend whom understands all my needs since before & till forever. [other than steph] ; and nothing will ever affect or change that fact.

well. . . if you dont treat mie as what im treating you as, i dont mind. i wont let my ego get into me. i have to admit that i do need you. cos you're that someone whom i want to share my everyting from head to toe about mi with!!

de point is. . . dont think too much. . . and learn how to appreciate whatever you've received. im trying my very best to please you ; to be de ideal friend. but it seems that my "roller coaster rides of emotion, jealousy & ego" has often made you frustrated even without having you to say a single word. i dont know how you want me to be or what you want me to do. so, tell mie please. i want to resolve it. i care. cos i want to build this frenship of ours till eternity ; cherishing it & appreciating every moment of it now & forever.

well baby. . . i truly know that im no one to stop you from remembering your past and differenciate my characters and personality with your exs. and also go around knowing other girls. but the feeling of 'urghness' and insecurity is making me feel like im being 'used'. i believe you never would 'use' me but im just scared! i know i got to trust you ; and its not that i dont trust you taw. i do trust yew. but i guess its just my feelings playing wit my mind.

lastly. . . sorry aites baby if you felt offended with me coming up with this entry. but i was just pouring out what i have been keeping in this porcelain heart of mine. but please remember that no matter what happen, you will still and always have a special place in my heart. <3

THE FOUR THINGS ABOUT ME....

FOUR Jobs I have had in my life:
1) Mcdonalds [currently]
2) Student Slacker.
3) Delifrance.
4) Babysitter.

FOUR Movies I would watch over and over:
1) Kal Ho Naa Ho.
2) The Wig.
3) The Longest Yard.
4) Kuch Kuch Hota Hai.

FOUR Places I have lived:
1) my mama's tummy.
2) Blk Twenty-One Dover Crescent.
3) Blk Seven Commonwealth Avenue.
4) Blk Twenty-Two Dover Crescent.

FOUR TV Shows I love to watch:
1) MTV Pimp My Ride.
2) MTV Punk'd.
3) Dia.
4) Any Show On MTV!

FOUR Places I have been on Vacation:
1) Malacca.
2) Indonesia.
3) KL.
4) Dont Know Where Else.

FOUR websites I visit daily when im online:
1) FARYLANNA'S F riendster.
2) IRSYARUDIN'S Friendster.
3) steph's Friendster.
4) My Blog.

FOUR of my favorite food:
1) My Granny's Cookings
2) My Mom's Chilli Crab
3) My Aunt's Spaghetti.
4) The Rojak from the Mama Shop Near my Place.

FOUR places I would rather be right now:
1) In His Arms.
2) Sentosa.
3) His Heart.
4) In Bed Dreaming Of Hym.

FOUR friends who I have tagged that think would respond:
1) Syz Nirah.
2) Nadirah NYP.
3) Haziq.
4) Syz Aifa.

urghh!~ im tired from work. so, i'll just do a few showt outs aites.

-> irsyarudin shah-> heyasz dude! first and foremost, i wanna say thanx for the saturday outing. it was cool. though some unwanted things popped up, i styll appreciated and enjoyed it. the show ice age 2 was really a show worth wasting my 7 bucks on. hahax. *tengok pon case lepas kene pakserr.* yelahh. ticket classic kann. hahaha! kkays. niwae, you'll begin work layter right. what i want to say is ; just NOT to overwork yourself aites. next is, first pay must blanja me tawss! doncha dare forget. i want to fill my tummy with all the fast food restraunts nyer food. EXCEPT FOR MACDONALDS. DAH JELAK ARH MAKAN HARIE2. hahax. and last but not least, tekaire and never skip your meals. *yanaa ader hatie nak ingatkan orang padahal dier tak buwat* ;)

-> bestie steph: aiyoyo! apa mo skola babe? hahaha! i holiday three weeks you knoww. but styll, im working. so, if you wanna lepaks, must beep me in advance kayss. i'll try my very best to get tyme for our lepaking session. hehex. tekaire sassy and see you around! *hopefully WE'LL MEET UP WITH DIN AGAIN very soon aites AND YOU TWO CAN ARGUE. i become audience. HAHA.*

-> PRETTY sister-in-law & syz nirah: blog has been updated upon the request of you peeps! pendek2 pon at least ader jugak shout out to you guys(babes). (: hope to see you loveable important people in my life very soon again ; miss ya!

(Verse 1)
Now that you are out of my life,
I'm so much better,
You thought that I'd be weak without ya,
But I'm stronger,
You thought that I'd be broke without ya,
But I'm richer,
You thought that I'd be sad without ya,
I laugh harder,
You thought I wouldn't grow without ya,
Now I'm wiser,
You thought that I'd be helpless without ya,
But I'm smarter,
You thought that I'd be stressed without ya,
But I'm chillin'
You thought I wouldn't sell without ya,
Sold nine million.

[Chorus]
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what).

(Verse 2)
Thought I couldn't breathe without you,
I'm inhalin'
You thought I couldn't see without you,
Perfect vision,
You thought I couldn't last without ya,
But I'm lastin'
You thought that I would die without ya,
But I'm livin'
Thought that I would fail without ya,
But I'm on top,
Though it would be over by now,
But it won't stop,
You thought that I would self-destruct,
But I'm still here,
Even in my years to come,
I'm still gon' be here.[Chorus]
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what).

(Bridge)I'm wishin' you the best,
Pray that you are blessed,
Much success, no stress, and lots of happiness,(I'm better than that)
I'm not gonna blast you on the radio,(I'm better than that)
I'm not gonna lie on you or your family, yo,(I'm better than that)
I'm not gonna hate you in the magazine,(I'm better than that)
I'm not gonna compromise my Christianity,(I'm better than that)
You know I'm not gonna diss you on the Internet
Cause my momma told me better than that.

[Chorus]
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),Keep on survivin' (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what).
Oh(Oh)
Oh(Oh)
Oh(Oh)
Oh(Oh)
Oh(Oh)
Oh(Oh)
Oh(Oh)
Oh(Oh)
After all of the darkness and sadness,
Still comes happiness,
If I surround myself with positive things,
I'll gain prosperity.

[Chorus]
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what)
(Don't stop me now)
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what).

[Chorus]
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what).