Sunday, July 30, 2006

NDP preview was super wonderful+super superb!!! was supposed to go there for a 'date' with only me&zul but ended up going with syz athira. cos something popped up last minute and zul coudnt make it. thankx ehk you for the tix! i guess next tyme jek kiter go out together. haha!

the show was great! and it was an event with the Singapore Idol Finalist present. && Hady & Joakim soo hot! *drools*

it was GREAT & thats foolstop.

first and foremost, you guys really have to know this. and that is, i'll seldom update nowadays. not cos im so busy but just that at times i dont feel like blogging. either nothing special happened on that day or im just plain lazy and not in de mood to blog. so... i'll update only when necessary and when theres stories to share alright. truly really very sorry about that.

ME & MR RAIHAN
Me and Mr Raihan,
we got a thing going on,
but it's much too strong to let it cool down now.
Holding hands,
making all kinds of plans.
we gotta be extra careful that we don't build our hopes too high
Cause he's got his own obligations and so do I,
it's much too strong to let it cool down now.

im feeling so confused! it hurts being here and in my position! there are people who told me to just let it burn but i cant. its just too strong to let go. lagipon... today marks our three months of being together and it definately aint an easy road. its like i've hit all the humps and bumps. we have met our frequent ups and downs that i found it so hard to let it go! urghh!

"People say we can't last forever, and I know that is true, but no one ever said we can't last a lifetime!"

goshh ; im so hating this moments... cos honestly speaking, i really feel like being single again. but to come to think of it again, am i just gonna let go of the relationship im in now? which i have been nurturing for sooo long and been through lotsa shits when being in it. yelahh. you people can say "baru due bulan lebey." but styll, i went through alot! from rejections to family conflicts to running away from home. thats the negative sides. haizz.

and yes!! its bloody true! i WAS the one who always wanted to meet you everyday in the past. but not anymore now ; cos im in need of my own space to breathe. and i dont like it when you critcise hym. im not standing up and defending hym, but it suckss. having my boyfriend talking bad about other guy when the other guy was the one who did MOST of the sacrifices. like keeping his feelings to hymself as to let you have me!

just what were you thinking when you criticiszed hym and stuffs? where was your mind? i know he styll contacted me despite knowing the fact im attached. but hey! why are you so unreasonable?! throwing your anger on me as if i did a BIG and tremendous fucking mistake! SHIT!

;; zulhelmy: happy 18th birthday dude! i wish you all the best in life and may all your wishes come true. happy ns-ing in december! you're gonna be missed. (:

- im outta here ; to hv -

was tagged by FADZILAH.. =)

Name 20 people you can think of right now. Don't read the question(s) until you named the 20 people. At the end of this choose 5 people to do this.
#1 -- Raihan
#2 -- Stephiee
#3 -- Azlindah
#4 -- Benson
#5 -- Zulhelmy
#6 -- Irsyarudin
#7 -- Zura
#8 -- Athira
#9 -- Munirah
#10 -- Arip
#11 -- Siedeek
#12 -- Farhan
#13 -- Afy
#14 -- Qish
#15 -- Ihsan
#16 -- Randell
#17 -- Lina
#18 -- Farwan
#19 -- Anita
#20 -- Kumar
------------------------------------------
* How do you meet #14 - Qish?- my bf's sister ; MY sister-in-law(to-be)
* What would you do if you never met #1 - Raihan?- i would have missed tons of magical moments. <33 color="#ff0000">#9 - Munirah and #20 - Kumar dated?- lol. that can NEVER happen cos they dont even know each other & they are both attahed.
* would #6 - Irsyarudin and #17 - Lina makes a good couple?- hmm. maybe.
* Describe #3 - Azlindah- from area 51 ; a someone who always think the sky is GREEN. (:
* Is #8 - Athira attractive?- of course! ; my sister mahh. hehe!
* Describe #7 - Zura- how to? i havent even had the chance to meet her yet. ):
* Do you know #12 - Farhan family members?- my oh-so lovable ex-bf! uh-huh. a dad ; a mom ; a younger bro ; a younger syz.
* What would you do if #18 - Farwan confess to you that she likes you?- nonono!!! hes my bro!
* What language does #15 - Ihsan speak?- err.. English & Malay. probably SOME chinese.
* Who is #14 - Qish going out with?- Azlan.
* How old is #16 - Randell?- 18 this year.
* When was the last tyme u spoke to #13 - Afy?- err. few days back on msn.
* Who is #2 - Stephiee favourite band / singer?- JONATHAN!! of SI.
* Would You ever date #4 - Benson?- benson!? ; aayang's bestiee?! hell no! i woudnt want to create 'FRIENDSHIP RIVALRY.'
* Would you ever date #1 - Raihan?- woohoo! been there ; doing that.
* Is #13 - Afy single?- nopsie!
* Is #19 - Anita your good friend?- err. not yet soon maybe.
* What's #10 - Arip last name?- we malay have no last name. only got our own name.
* Would you be in a relationship with #11 - Siedeek?- been there ; DONE that.
* School of #3 - Azlindah?- Zone 51 ; Higher Institution. lol.
* Where does #6 -Irsyarudin lives?- Simei.
* What's your favourite thing about #5 - Zulhelmy?- HIS sweetness ; candy-licious.
* Have you seen #2 - Stephiee naked before?- no!
---------------------------------------------------
* The 5 lucky charms that i'm gonna smacked and tagged are:
(1) Munirah - she'll NEVER let me down. (;
(2) Aifa - i hope you too!
(3) Mi-Zie-Ries - de-stress from all rship difficulties.
(4) Natra - de-stress from o's preparation.
(5) Wawa - release boredome maybe. lol

no wonder aayang often suffers from injuries. be it from rugby trainings or friendly matches. just look at how the game is played! so tough! my aayang is so super-dee-duper small sized but yet playing sucha tough sport. haiyahh. but what to do... his interest is already there.

"do you have time to talk to me? i have something very important to talk to you about. and i carn hold it much longer. fine. be that way. im gonna give you a message just for you. if dis doesnt do anytynk to you, then you are a person w/o any feelings. not me! its up to you to reply or not after reading it. but what i know is, i cried after reading it myself. i know that you are styll mad at me. your hatred towards me will grow and i'll be the cause for all of it. im not saying this to make you feel pity for me. but i do it for the benefit of getting you out of my head. its not that i dont have feelings for you anymore. but im scared of feeling the same thing over and over again. that is LOVE. love hurts and it truly does. that is the only thing im afraid of and also, i dont wanna break the ties between you and raihan. hes my friend ; even you are. i just cant watch my friends are in pain. please throw the feelings you had towards me and just stick as friends. im sorry if i had stabbed you with a knife through your heart with my words."
oh God! what now ZUL? and why now? im already so stressed up! one problem after another.! urgh! and some bitch just aint happy with the fact that my bro has moved on. my word to her is "MOVE ON YOU BITCH! MY BRO IS NO LONGER ATTRACTED TO YOU! YOU CAN SIMPLY GND WIH YOUR STEP-BIG FIR!!"

okies dokies! rise and shine people. now its MY side of the story.
HER to HYM
muhd raihan roslan... i too feel bad. i feel useless. and all i can do is to cry! why is this all happening to me? why are your friends sucha jerks! looking down and talking bad about me all the tyme. i admit i aint a good girlfriend ; i get on your nerves, i piss you off all the tyme. but that doesnt give your pathticaly insane friends the rights to talk shits about me! they are fucking pathetic for your info. and i know i aint "supposed to worry about people hanging around cos they aint bringing us down." but im worried. i too have a heart ; i too can feel when things are no longer the same. i have always loved those times we spent together ; your warm hugs, your tender kisses, your endless laughter and not to forget, your mater yang SEPET. it breaks my heart you know seeing the pictures i have of us being together happily in the past ; why not anymore? the feeling of being together is just different. i know we are STILL officially together. and im glad for it. but, your friends just suckss! and i hate them to the core. but theres something that you really need to know and that is "dearr... knowing and being with you have really taught me alot. it teaches me the meaning of TRUE LOVE and i dont want it to end here. i'm very blessed to have you in my life ; i dont wanna live life alone, cos a picture seems perfect when WE are in it." to be honest, there are tymes when i spent my day doing nothing, but only crying day and night. i totally have no idea what to do. do i really deserve this all this pain? NO! i seriously dont want us to argue and allow our love to tear apart. and definately not due to your pathetically insane 'friends' who are envy-ing us so badly. i dont wanna let you go. cos i wanna build an empire of happiness with just you, me and our two kids. but i can no longer tolerate this shits! i too dont like it when you start saying things about me ; bad ones of cos. i know im bad ; making you feel as if i have other guys and flirt alot. but i swear to you that you are my only one. the one my heart misses every minute of every hour ; and who is on my mind every second of everyday i live my life breathing. YOU ARE MY KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR. i too may appear like i dont care aobut what you're doing. but actually i do. i always ask myself, "why must i do shits to you when you never and why must i always hurt your feelings with my silence when you try your very best to not even cause a scrath in my heart. you take extra care of my heart and dont mind getting your heart just not to offend me. i understand that you deeply feel insecure when i message or look at other guys. but dont worry dear. "hatiku hanya menyebut namamu dan rinduku hanya untukmu." no guys aint gonna be able to steal me away from you. you're styll the apple of my eyes ; styll the one i kiss good night ; styll the one i message the moment i wake up ; styll the one who is able to make me smile like noone else can ; styll the one i say "i love you" to ; styll the one my heart is beating for. i promise to never let you go. cos im simply too attached to you till i can never imagine what life would be without your presence in it. to be honest, a part of me wants to leave you alone but i just cant. a part of me too tells me that i should work things out. cos i really wanna be with you. when you look at me, do you see me as your wife? i hope you do cos when i look into your eyes, i am able to see my future and i see YOU as my husband ; someone i'd be loving for the rest of my life. i am able to picture us loving each other for life. i too feel insecure at times. knowing the fact that you are good looking and the star player of your school, it would often be leaving me alone thinking "what if another lady were to come our way ; a someone who is much more finer than me and she want to take away our love, would you leave? would this relationship come to an end or is it going to be stronger as the person who came was just testing how strong our love was." i have made up my mind that you are the one i wanna spent the rest of my life with. the one i wanna die with. my heart was broken more than once before and i have promised myself to never love again, but YOU somehow managed to open the doors to my heart. i used to think love could only bring me pain but you have proved me wrong. i am really thankful to have found you ; someone who would be there for me anytyme of the day no matter how busy you are for that day ; someone who is willing to sacrifice his time just to be around me ; someone who is willing to spent his money on public phones just to hear my voice ; someone who is willing to miss an important event or rugby match just to be there for me. i really thank God for giving me a chance to be loved by a guy like YOU. you are simply more than amazing. and i can never find a word to describe the happiness i feel for having you in my life. you make me feel like in heaven when i am around you ; a feeling nobody else but YOU can make me feel. i wanna experience the feeling for eternity! i wanna let the whole world know how blessed life is to have you as part of it. i know MY family is kinda against us, but i dont want that to lemahkan your semangat oraites baby! have faith and insya'allah they will bless our relationship. and you too dont have to be spending alot on me just to make me happy. cos all i want is YOU with me and me able to call you mine for the rest of my life. thats all i ask for and it would be a tyme i would remember tyll eternity. i love you dear. till death do us part.

PS: no matter what happen...you'll be my only one ;i'll give you all my love,eventhough my mom says NO!<33

HYM to HER
nur farlyanna mohamad nor... i feel bad when you message or meet other guys without me knowing. why? i know i get on your nerves but i feel bad too tau aayang. i hate it especially when you plan to tell me something and when my reply is "i tak faham aper maksod you ; explain siket.", all you can say is "takder pape." why? you are the one who tells me "no secret between us" but what is this? i just dont want anytynk bad to happen to us ; nor any secrets between us. so please okay sayang ; no more secrets from now on. i rather hear the truth than live with a lie. now i wanna talk about your kemarahan terhadap i... i know i have always been the one who starts the fight by saying something that is not true about you. but dear... when start to make faces after arguing, its tak sopan and tak manis dipandang orang. on 13.07.06 itself, i felt VERY bad. because kerane i, people talk bad about you behind your back. i dont mind it happening to me cos i dah biaser. but not to you. you're not just a girl ; you're the girl of my dream. i know my ego is big but i have always placed my egos aside when being around you ; so you too have to put your anger aside. im trying my very best to let go of it. you too have to try. the main thing is, we TRIED. i seriously dont want any gado-ing to occur between us. i really wanna settle down with you, love, cherish and spent the rest of my life with you sayang! i pon heran cos when i said "you smoke ehk?!" ; you looked shocked and diamkan diri. why sayang? it it true? DONT sayang.. PLEASE DONT! if you have any problem, share it with me. i have you and you have me. so we can talk about simply anytynk that we feel is not right. and sayang... i realised that you've changed. you're no longer the nur farlyanna i knew the last tyme. *private scene* why? are you telling me that you have someone else? it seems as if you love me no more. eventhough deep down in your heart i kow that i am the only one there. NOW AND FOREVER tyll heaven door. and im BEGGING you sayang... please dont ever tell me goodbye. cos i cant afford to lose you. dont ever leave me oraites dear. promise me that you will never let me go so easily. i too am trying to change. we must change the way we react to things. when we're walking together, i dont want anymore of sad faces ; we have to smile and let the world know how happy and blessed we are to have each other. and one more thing... why is it when a guy looks at you, you seem to auto-turn? asal? dorang tuh lebey hensem dari i kerr? i know im the apple of your eyes ; so no more of it k sayangg... im seriously hoping you would stop seeing guys when you're around me. the reason is simple ; cos i never do it. its not fair to me. i feel insecure too. and do you have any secret admirers? im sure you have kann. sebab when i asked steph about it, you cepat2 puseng and asked steph to say "takder." hmm. i really dont know arh aayang. i hope i am your only one. im really hoping this is not happening and it is just my IMAGINATION. and please dear... if there are guys who admire you, get them to forget you. i admit i too have girls going after me. but i quickly tell them to forget me. i told some of them already by saying "dont bother waiting for me cos im gonna be with nur farlyanna till the end of my life." they respected my decision and walked away at an instant. im sure you too can do it. i know you have many guys chasing you as if youre the cat and they're the dog. so plase aayang... ask them to forget you. im not trying to control your life. but you have to be fair to me too. im asking you to do this because i wanna spent the rest of my life with only you. i tak willing to share you with someone else. not even my best friend. so, dont leave me. like i've said, i cant afford to lose you. ; youre my heart and soul who makes me feel oh-so special each tyme we're out together. you never fail to make me feel special ; a feeling noone else has made me feel. my hope is for you to change upon today. no matter what the future may bring, i styll thank God for having found you and i swear that i will always love, cherish and honour you sayang. no matter what tyme of the day it is, i promise to be there for you 24/7. and if youre having any problem, i'll be there in an instant. no matter how busy i am. cos i cant afford to see you handle things alone cos i have made up my mind that you're gonna be my last ever gf ; i wanna settle down with you and love you untyl forever. i promise you that i will never let you go sweetheartt!! i love you many many alot! and always remember ; people AINT bringing us down sweetheart..!

pheww! that definately was long... ekeke! i'll update MY part of the story upon the next entry oraites. taking care people!

time check:0011HRS.

REALITY TALK

yess...! you guys are reding the correct word ; REALITY TALK!!

had a reality talk with hym. it was a damn freaking long yet meaningful one ; and whats written and said shall be posted when i have the mood. cos i am so insanely missing hym! but to be honest, the talk was very useful indeed. though some emotional thingy was pulled in, it styll manages to lead US to being more able to understand each others wants and needs.

*tyll here then!

A part of me wants to leave you alone
A part of me wants for you to come home
A part of me says I'm livin a lie (and I'm better off without you)
A part of me says to think it through
A part of me says I'm over you
A part of me wants to say goodbye
A part of me is asking why

1st Pre-Chorus:
A part of me wants to leave
But a part of me wants to be here with you
And everytime I think that we're over and done
you do something that gets me back lovin you and you got me just torn

Chorus:
Torn in between the two
Cause I really wanna be with you
But something is telling me that I should leave you alone
You got me just torn in between the two
Cuz I really wanna be with you
But something is telling me that I should leave you aloneeeee

Verse 2:
What hurts the most is when we started out
It was cool it was everything that love’s about
But something happened
Cause I’m feeling so burned out
Becuz I can't understand you now
A part of me says it’s all my fault
A part of me says he aint’ what you want
A part of me says to get my bags
A part of me says I can’t do that

2nd Pre-Chorus:
A part of me wants to leave
But a part of me wants to be here with you
And everytime I think that it’s over and done
You make me fall back in love
You got me just torn…between the two

Chorus:
Torn in between the two
Cause I really wanna be with you
But something is telling me that I should leave you aloneeeeeeee

Bridge:
So many times I, I was ready to go
So many times I, had my foot out the door
So many times I, I thought to give him a chance
Thought he’d be a better man
Now I’m sitting here and I’m so confused
Cause I keep fighting myself for you
don’t know how much more I can take
But I can’t feel this way
YOU GOT ME SO TORN!!!

Chorus:
Torn in between the two
Cause I really wanna be with you
But something is telling me that I should leave you ALONE!

♡ 2 8 0 4 0 6 ___ . ;; R A I H A N <33>

muhd raihan roslan...
i feel bad.
i feel useless.
and all i can do is to cry!
why is this all happeing to me?
why are your friends sucha jerks!
looking down and talking bad about me all the tyme.
i admit i aint a good girlfriend ;
i get on your nerves,
i piss you off all the tyme.
but why are your friends so pathetic?
i know i aint "supposed to worry about people hanging around
cos they aint bringing us down."
but im worried.
i too have a heart.
i too can feel when things are no longer the same.
i have always loved those times we spent together ;
your warm hugs,
your tender kisses,
your endless laughter
and not to forget,
your mater yang SEPET.
it breaks my heart seeing
the pictures i have of us being together happily in the past ;
why not anymore?
the feeling of being together is just different.
i know we are STILL officially together.
an im glad for it.
but, your friends just suckss!
dearr...
knowing and being with you have really taught me alot.
it teaches me the meaning of TRUE LOVE
and i dont want it to end here.
i'm very blessed to have you in my life ;
i dont wanna live life alone,
cos a picture seems perfect when WE are in it.
there are tymes when i spent my day doing nothing,
but only crying day and night.
i totally have no idea what to do.
do i really deserve this all this pain?
NO!
i seriously dont want us to argue
and allow our love to tear apart
just because your friends are envy-ing us.
i dont wanna let you go.
but i can no longer tolerate this shits!
oh God!
i am so stress!!

PS: no matter what happen...
you'll be my only one ;
i'll give you all my love,
eventhough my mom says NO!
<33

if loving you with all my heart is a crime,
then im guilty.

boredome has really gotten over me. im so bored with nothing to do. and life is so boring! i seriously got nothing to update. but mrs jedi nyer pasal, here i am cracking my brain updating.

thursday dated 060706 was definately a BAD day for me! very bad. imaging getting to meet your other half only after SIX freaking hours. *roll eyes* how pathetic can it get? its all due to the passing of the wrong info. and aayang injured hymself during the rugby match he played that afternoon. *now you have the clue why its after SIX freaking hours* get well soon aayang!

&&&. i am badly missing a number of people and their thingy!
[1] aayang - his love. <33
[2] mrs jedi[sis-in-law] - for her kecoh-ness (:
[3] mac crew[zulhelmy] - for his merepkness and advices.
[4] steph - i miss bitching around dover with her.
[5] irsyarudin - i miss his sarcasicm

okay! im in no mood to blog anymore. till the next entry! you guys do rock on for me aites!

PS: sorry about the SIMPLE skin. i accidentally deleted the important stuffs and is in no mood to change it to a proper one.

i gotta agree with nana.
JULY SIMPLY SUCKS!
* the month i encountered the most number of arguments with hym.
* the month i had quite a number of tiffs with mom and dad.
* the month i spained my ankle.
* the month i bitched most when being the PMS bitch.
* the month i rot alot at home when hes in school.
urghh!~ im going crazy!!
but styll. thanx to stephiee for keeping me company with the lunch and lepaking sessions. you rock bestie!!

i miss his voice!! the last tyme i talked to aayang was about 13 hours ago. that is because we're having some crisis. due to the words that came out from the mouth of wan. and maybe because of me too ; for over-reacting. but heyy. i carn accept it. its like hearing someone say "is that your boyfriend with another girl?" DAMMIT!~

lets forget the negativity of life and be reminded of the positive. (: i realised that i have wierd uncles and aunties. and also people around me. the reason i say that is because...

*this is the story of cik don and me*
i went to AH to visit nenek. i then went to the vending machine to grab some drink when i forgot cik don was there. i opened my wallet and he went, "itu mataer kann.", "dier tak samer skola dengan nana kann.", "dier ader satu kakak and satu adek kann.", "korang kenal kat keje kann." goshh! macam tawu jekk pakcik aku nie macam maner aku kenal an. LOL!

*this is the story of the next bed auntie and me*
went back to the bed. then mama and me was bored sitting there and we decided to talk to the next door patients daughter. was talking and suddenly the auntie asked me "girl.. you malay very good arhh. how you all keep this type of body?" i just smiled. dalam hati nak aje jawab "what?! cant you see that im fat auntie?!" ((:

*this is the story of the cik siti and me*
was about to leave the hospital when cik siti came. salamed her and she went "sexynyer nana!" padahal all i wore was a black cardigan with folded jeans and pumps. hahaha! wierdo!